You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
vagina is talking i cant
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
