Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
