I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
