i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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