Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The best revenge is premature balding
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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