hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize