It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
