You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
