3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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