She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
