I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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