i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
