I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
