if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
