just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
