Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
