I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boobs speak an international language.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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