you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
