I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
