Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
