She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I look better un-naked...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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