when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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