We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
