i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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