and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
