Are we in a gay sports bar?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
