Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
