Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
