He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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