Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
