My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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