She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
