just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
