So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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