So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
