In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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