are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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