Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want to have your abortion
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
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