I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
