Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
