it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
