Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
