i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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