I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
