I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
