I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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