Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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