I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
