So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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