You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
