Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
