I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
