This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
