Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
