You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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