drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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