Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Randomize
