What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
