You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Operation Purity has been aborted
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
