Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
