she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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