it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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