the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
