I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
