oh god the rape fog is back!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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