He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
