I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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