Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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