I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
