I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
