i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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