he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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